A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the entrance discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."
And your point is . . . ?
Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
Guys have feelings too. But like . . . who cares?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you lend someone £20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's milk, that's the time to do it.
My Mother Is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Of course I don't look busy . . . I did it right the first time.
'Ome is where you 'ang your @
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Two Eskimos sitting in their eskimo cannoe were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
To the best of our knowledge all jokes are in the public domain, For more Great Laughs and Jokes visit the Comedy Zone based here in Lincolnshire